after the Lipa visit♥

Uhm..hi there!.. its still me.. the non-talkative girl and sszhy type person.
Well here I am again.. trying to tell my story.. my endless stories about my life and everything that involves it.
I am already a college student; in fact I’m already in my third year in this level.
Since 2nd year highschool we had a hard time in dealing with financial matters because first of all we lack finances to accommodate everything we need. But then, look at me now, I’m still breathing, I’m still studying, and I’m very much thankful of everything, of how faithful God is to us, to me.
There are a lot of things, negative ones, that keeps running on my mind. But then, all I can say is THANK GOD for everything. We might not have big house and cars just like every siblings of my father but still God doesn’t forget on giving us just as what we need. Although most of the times we’re looking to those times that aside from our daily needs, we also get our wants but we have no choice right now but to persevere, wait patiently, understand.. for we know that the material things don’t count.. Although it’s hard to be like this we’re still thankful because of all the average people living in this world, we’re still very blessed because in some way or another God always blesses us through many ways that we didn’t imagine. I know that instead of becoming pessimistic we must, I must remain strong and optimistic, that we, I must not look at what’s happening to us right now but focus on God. Sometimes its really hard to do things that you say but in most times we really need to persuade on doings those because our words are powerless if we don’t see it through the one who say it.

I supposed to say negative things here.. to question WHY?.. but then wala na kong magawa because behind those questions lying are the thankfulness to God. We may be experiencing many things right now that made us always cry to our bed every night but still just as God says.. we must be still know that HE is our GOD. Its hard for me firstly because I’m the eldest, next in line, next in authority in this family, sooner I will be the breadwinner of this family.. I know I can’t change things that had been done but I hope when I’m the authorized person we will not be like this. I love this family that’s why I’m persevering.. in my own way. I have dreams that as of now are not that clear to me. I’m not a perfect person. I’m not a perfect Christian. I often commit mistakes. I often had wrong decisions. I’m a shy type person. I’m not vocal. I’m not showy but deep inside me, there is that sweetness that only those who really knew me know. Sometimes its hard to understand myself. And I often been judge by persons whom I thought really knew me. I’m not blaming them or anything but its that .. its me. Hay..
There are many questions I always ask.. but I always end up to one answer : you don’t suppose to answer everything, all you have to do is to live a life the way God designed you to. Who else is gonna hear me.. gonna understand and truly want to know me.. i’m not perfect but I’m fragile.. maybe I may not be that special to those persons whom I consider special to me but to God I know I am. I’m confused at many things and it takes me not just a while to decide on things that sometimes even though I already allotted lots of time, still results wrongly. I’m me. This is me. I hope I can find persons who will be attached to my life. Who will really accept me for who I am and understand me truly.
I’m not judging anyone, I’m just bringing out things that made me felt by them. Who’s them? Well alam na nila yun.. kung sila nga.. I’m not angry or anything. I’m just telling about myself and my life. I’m not that talented. I can’t even think of any expertise that others don’t have that make me always feel just as an ordinary person out there that’s why no one treats me that special. I am this. Maybe I did change. But in the positive side naman. Ako toh eh.. maybe I don’t know myself well but that doesn’t mean that in deciding lagi nalang ako nagkakamali.. this time I make sure that I do the most right one. I just hope someone will appreciate. But still, if they don’t.. well all I can say is I don’t live for them. I may not please everyone all the time.. but that doesn’t mean that when they don’t seem to be pleased its not a good decision.. everyone has a different perceptions towards the same thing. It’s the real me. God knows my heart and I’m not saying any word that’s not from my heart.